Even through Loss

It's no secret that I knit constantly. I knit in the car, at work, wherever I happen to be.
A dear friend of mine died this weekend and I am knitting through that. I doesn't shut my mind off but it keeps my hands busy. It's such a horrible shock to lose LaVera, I thought we had so much more time together. I miss her. I wish I could have done something to help.

Still At It

I am still working on the sad bastard scarf. I wont let myself start another project until it's done. By that time it'll be too hot to wear the damn thing. I guess it will go in the giant bag with everything else.
I am trying to enjoy the mechanics of it- cabling, watching the progress, nice even stitches...but I am not the most patient person in the world so it's kind of a hassle. I can do this! I know I can!
Also, I have been entirely smoke free for six days...before that I slipped a few times, but even though this has been a stressful week I haven't slipped- not even at work. And that's where it's hardest. I hope I can stay strong. It sucks. I am past the itchy annoying feeling of needing a cigarette, and feeling crabby about it finally. I hate that de-tox part. You'd think I'd finally wake up and quit doing this to myself....what a head trip any addiction is. I love it, hate it, wish I'd never started it. I am certain I can quit this time- just have to keep not buying them and staying away from hazardous areas.
I CAN do this. I know I can.

Endless

The scarf is just....eternal! I was thinking last night about starting another project but really, I can't think of anything until it's done. I am sort of obsessed I guess. It is kind of neat looking but if someone knew the pattern I was trying to follow they would laugh their heads off. Instead of tackling all the yarnovers and lace steps I just took the easy way out and cable knit it. It's ridiculous! Ah, well. I'll wear it. Maybe next year. As it's so heavy it will be a cold weather article and we don't seem to be having any of that this year.

Friday Update

Well! I was off three days. All I did was work on the sad bastard scarf...other things too boring to mention. I was rather blue most days, mindful of the upcoming medical circus that is my life.
Finished the Dad Hat and Scarf but now I have an almost superstitious fear of it. How could it be anything but grass green bad luck? I threw it into my knit basket and look at it in disgust now and then.
Panda hat...not so great. The eyeholes are not right. I keep thinking I ought to break the yarn off and try something else. It's tying up my size 6 hat knitters....but I wait, maybe until inspiration grabs me.
Back to work today, and I guess I'm ready for it. I don't know. I added my Twitter tweets to this page, so I'll try and keep it more craft oriented and less bitching about things. Besides, knitting is the most important part of my life.
Haven't had a cigarette and I do feel better. But we'll see, when I get back to work. I hope I don't cave to pressure. It doesn't do any good. I keep telling myself that, then I'll buy a pack of Marlboro shorts. Must....stay....strong....

Overload

I have three projects- maybe four- in progress. That's just dumb.
The scarf, which is a sad bastard of a conglomeration I am just plugging at. The panda hat....I fear this will be a real disappointment. The Dad hat, which had some major issues with the top cabling (It fell apart) and a random dad scarf I have only found part of when I reorganized my knitonia. The yarn is so ratty it will be a miracle if I create anything.
Sick as a dog yesterday- and ironically enough got a call from the gastroenterologist's office about the colonoscopy. Which was timely. If I hadn't felt so bad I never would have called back. But it might save my life. WTF. Like I care some days.
Also have the Ultrasound on the 14th and must follow up with Thompson. Dammit! Dammit all! I can't stay away from doctors. I think the problem is a conjunction of both the cyst and my awful intestines. Dammit again I say!

Panda Hat

Even though Bug has changed his mind about the panda hat and affirms that he was temporarily insane and would never wear it, I'm making it anyway.
Part of this is because of my sad lack of success in the two projects I started and unraveled too many times to count. *sigh*
The baby blanket- 176 stitches where anything can go wrong after the 2nd row just depressed me. I attacked another project and grew despondent with the YO and possibility of never being able to accurately correct an error. Another big *sigh*.
So I went back to familiar hat territory, though I bought some new needles to try to expand my skills....if possible. It's been frustrating. I can see where the mistake is but there doesn't seem to be any way to fix it without starting over. And that's just maddening.
So I might try it again. I don't know. It's making me nuts.

Blanket

I've been working on a pink baby blanket in small basket weave stitch.....every time I want to work on a larger project I start out all gung ho then I get bored and it's all I can do to just FINISH it. Attention span of a five year old. I was walking from the car to the front door the other night and the blanket fell out of my bag and I only noticed it when I was unlocking to front door. I pulled it in and laughed because of all the dead leaves and weeds stuck in it. Had to do some repair work, still laughing at what an idiot I am. Oh well!
My next plan might be a blanket but with a different stitch. I hate hauling a large piece around but I'm really uninspired when it comes to small things- hats, especially. And Bug bought me the yarn to make him a panda hat. He wants it to look like Kung Fu Panda. I think I can do it. But I haven't been motivated to start...because I'm still on the PINK BLANKET.
It's back to work today. Yesterday was installment three of a four part class. I was humbled and happy by the feedback I got on the survey that was part of the class. I got back some valuable things. It made me feel pretty good. Bug ruined it by saying the only reason we have LD classes at all is so the corporation can write it off as improving the staff. Hmph. It was still good.