Dealing with Stuff

I'm no good at dealing with things like..oh, emotions, loss, addiction, frustration. I am only now realizing how against my personality being confrontational is. And a lot of it depends on mood. Ugh, I don't even like myself. I miss my old cat in surprising ways, bumping into it when I stumble across her old grooming tools or a furball stuck to something.
Sick of this weather. More rain in store, looks like but at least I have to work so it wont be so bad.
My knitting is a lifesaver! I'm struggling through a rib knit scarf, only difficult because I forget what stitch to start with and frequently have to make a few tries to get it right. Started a cap to go with Heather's purple scarf that I made so long ago I don't even have a picture of it. I am doing what I can to stay sane.

St. Francis

We have always gone to St Francis for our medical treatment. I like it there, the big pink monstrosity. We were in the Natalie Building today for Doug's spinal shot (which went better than he expected and was a profound relief) and I was required to drive him home because of the valium and the procedure itself. He hates anyone's driving but his own. I'll post the fabulous formal garden outside the waiting room at the surgical center. The doctor was great, too. I don't know, he's beeen sleeping most of the day except for our whirlwind trip to Walmart where I of course bought more yarn.
I'm making things for people I like and I'm thinking about writing a little card with each completed gift- Sarah B inspired me because I want to give her the scarf and little cap and tell her how much hope and respect I have for her. Then...eh, it sounds like a lot of work. Dude, I'm just trying to quit smoking.
It was so windy and gray today. It rained friggin' buckets. I hope it's nicer tomorrow.

New Camera

Bug got me a new camera, second hand HP that works great. I am always surprised when he does something so unexpected and thoughtful. He's like that though. Not much for organized holidays- he sucks at Christmas and birthdays but Valentine's Day he always aced for 19 years because of Ember. And he does little things that are just nice. He makes my coffee every day, he feeds me, makes me take my vitamins and my gout pill. He doesn't have to have a reason to be nice. I'm lucky for that.

Appointment

I hate getting up early. I have never been a morning person but nowadays, working so late and staying up to knit and watch TV until the wee hours...well, morning shouldn't start until about ten o'clock.
But it's not even nine. We have to be at Dr. M's office at 11. I am in morning mode- bathrobe, flipflops and hair upside down. I can barely walk and cannot straighten up completely yet. Couple cups of coffee will help that.
Maybe.
I don't can't imagine what is going to happen next.

Big, Big Plans

I have decided to make something- hat, scarf, friggin' pot holder, for everyone I like. I've gone around and asked what colors people like. I feel one of those obsessions coming on, like when I had to collect all of Tanith Lee's books...this was in the 90's and I was a used bookstore combing fool. Or when I decided to work out and get in shape and got tendinitis...or when I decided I hated being fat and I lost about 100 pounds.. As long as it keeps me from smoking and eating I am delighted to knit. No matter how bad at it I am.

Beautiful Sunny Day

I'm sitting here admiring the blue sky and breeze that makes me want to sort of go outside. I'm going to hustle around and get ready because I have to go pick up Ember and be ready for my Monday at work.
I have gotten a lot of knitting done. Made Bug a little cap. Working on the scarf to go with Emma's new boy's cap. I have a black scarf for myself on a pair of needles and a pretty orchid scarf for my friend Tabby. I plan to systematically make something for everyone I know.
My visit to mom and dad's was nice. No horrid comments about my knitting or my addition of a few pounds since I quit smoking. I did put on some weight but I've already lost close to half of it. It's very hard. I have to go back to the rules I established to initially lose about 95 pounds in the first place.....no eating heavily after work, not a lot of high calorie, fatty foods. Stay away from fast food and NO FRENCH FRIES! They are just soaked in fat. I gained about...oh, maybe twenty pounds when I quit smoking. I have about 11 to lose to get back to last good weight, which was tantalizingly close to my IBW. It never ends. You can't ever just stop being aware of what you eat or how it's going to affect your body. And really there's nothing better than being able to control yourself and fit into a pair of Size 12 Jrs...especially when you were once a Size 22 Big Fat Ass.

Monday Morning

I am getting ready to start getting ready. That means I'm blinking a lot and drinking coffee. Gonna be a bit before I'm completely coherent.
It hasn't been great lately but I've been plugging along. Finished Vanna's scarf, working on a matching hat, did a few other hats of tiny size and decided I like a heavier, worsted weight thread much more than the skinny soft stuff I bought for maybe a baby blanket or something where the user would need soft material.
Getting over losing Ember hasn't been easy. She shared my room and board for 19 years. It seems like loving and losing pets should have some kind of life lesson in it but I'm too sad right now to dissect it.
Otis and Thelma have tried to step up and fill Ember's..paws..and I appreciate that. I do love them. Bug and I always say we are rich in cats. We aren't quite as rich now. Still plenty of dogs though!