New Year's Eve

I am delighted to have this awful old year nearly in the past. It's been uphill the whole way. I've made some progress but mostly I feel it was a backsliding, disappointing, heartbreaking kind of year. That means it's bound to get better from here! I hope!

Back to Work

My two days off without having to go anywhere were of course marred with dr appointments and worry but otherwise ok. I am glad I got what I got done. Glad to be back to work today.
I finished Allison's glovelets and am starting Amanda's pink and purple hat. I don't know what will happen with it, I just picked out the yarn and expect it to knit itself.

Bad Year

It's official. 2009 has so far been the worst year of my life.
My oldest sister died 1-13, mom nearly died of appendicitis 1-16, Ember died 4-14, dad died 11-26 and Blackie died today after being paralyzed since Christmas day. If I can get the taste of this year out of my mouth and the memory of it out of my head it will be a miracle.
I am so tired. This day has been terrible. Even knitting couldn't help.

Cow(l)

I finished Allison's cowl. I think I have enough yarn for fingerless gloves. I am remaking a hat for myself with the heavy chenille yarn that I will never use again, probably. I need to sit back and think a bit for my next project. It might involve sewing, I don't know.
Several people at work have never heard of cowls and thought I was making cows. I love that.

Merry....Ha

Oh, God I am not able to be spirited I'm afraid. With my email if the C word is in it I just delete. I wish I could be, but everything conspires against it.
To top it all off the cowl I'm knitting for Allison had to be stripped down to the first stitch because the thing was huge. This was the first time I used those circulars and I am, after all, retarded.
The weather is making me smile. It's going to be AWFUL starting Christmas Eve and that's just fine with me. Mom's safe in Chicago (oh really?) and I don't really care what happens to me.

Green Hat Blue Cowl

I finished the hat for Jamie and of course he was off so I have to leave it somewhere for a couple days, as I have pre-Christmas travel plans.
I hate weather reporters who don't know of my journey plans who say, "Snow to come!" and then talk about birthday celebrations while I wonder if I can make it across Missouri and back without sliding off the road.
Well I don't have a choice. And I did grow up in Wyoming where blizzards are an excuse to get out of the house. I'll be alright. I guess.
Allison's dark blue cowl is on my circular needles and I have no idea how it will turn out.
We shall see.

Orange You Finished?

The orange and yellow are so cheerful I feel stupid in it. Except it's a warm set and I hope I actually use it. Next I think I'll get some good black for myself. I am tired of cheer.
Made Flor a burgundy/rusty red hat that looks beautiful with her skin and hair. She wants a scarf to match but I'm out of yarn. If she buys I'll fly.
I am battling the depression that usually starts a week before Christmas, and though I usually win I don't know how much fight I have left in me. Really. The idea of giving in to it is sort of attractive. I'm sick of everything- knitting, thinking, BEING. I know logically this is just a hard time in my life but really, there are going to be more scheduled as the years crawl by and do I need this kind of torture? No. I do not.
I'm sick of whining about it too.

Hat Wildness

I unraveled the orange and yellow hat and started anew- sort of anew, I left the brim and started increasing two to three stitches. Had to put it on a circular needle I hardly ever use. No telling WHAT will happen. It's mine. I don't care. Scarf is nearing...sort of done, depending on how much yarn I need for the hat.

One of those TRIPS

This is what you look like driving to certain doom.

Just the scarf

I am now almost finished with my yellow and orange doctor seuss-like set of winter stuff. Just the scarf left to finished, and of course the scarf is the hardest part. Not the hardest but the most tedious. Especially a garter stitch. Ugh, it could take forever. Probably until it warms up. I even put the fringe on the finished edge so I wouldn't run out of yarn in the middle. Come on cold weather!
As for the rest of my life...well, it sucks. But. Whatcha gonna do?
I suppose it's time to talk about Angus, the Secret Dog. The one I've been hiding from my mother because she can't imagine why anyone would want one dog, much less three. But Blackie is getting old and we need a good watch dog, which, God bless her, Chloe is not. So Angus, he is the new generation. Part German shepherd, part something else. He is a snuggler, but not averse to sleeping on the floor by the couch when Chloe is lying on my neck making me choke. Which I adore. I love those dogs, these cats, all my animals.

Brain Dead Knitter

I am so glad that it's automatic now, mostly.
I'm fixin' to start a cowl for my friend Allison. I love my cowl, made last year, one of the first things I did on circular needles. I am doing it in midnight blue and hope that it's gorgeous when finished. I like the whole principle of a cowl, tucking it into the neckline of your coat, not dipping it in undesirable things or catching it in doors as is common with a scarf. Though scarves rock, don't get me wrong. I'm still working on my own yellow and orange ensemble.
Thank GOD for knitting. Even though through this stress I have been smoking. Not as much. Any one skipped, every delightful coffin nail avoided, is good.

Orange You Yellow

The bright yellow and orange should be making me cheerful. I like the hat very much, and I feel it's some of my best work. Mostly. But the scarf has been a royal pain in the ass. I don't know why I put myself through this! But I do!
Since my dad passed away life has been surreal and awful. I am not sure if I"m looking forward to returning to work on Wednesday, but I am looking forward to not thinking about the horrors of Thanksgiving day. It was something that will be in my mind for a long, long time. I love my dad. I love my mom. Now I am determined to do the right thing for both of them. How on earth can I go on this way? The changes a few weeks make. Terrible.

Knittin' like a Motherfucker

I have knitted a lot of stuff. Like, a scarf, which I created mostly at the bedside of my dying father, sitting in ICU with a dusty rose color being rib stitched as the rows grew and our hopes dwindled.
My niece and nephew were kind enough to get me some cheerful orange and yellow yarn. Reminds me of big bird.
My niece bought me gray yarn to make her fingerless gloves and a scarf. Done with a glove, no thumb yet, and more to come.
I miss my dad.

Back

My dad is in icu with pneumonia and life has been pretty horrific in that glacier moving down the mountain way.
Just waiting, for cultures to come back, for procedures to be done, for things to happen, dads to get better, moms to relax and life to go on.

A scarf!

Am I really going to do a scarf? I think I am. I sort of hate them but I need something really mindless and different from a hat.
Finished James' hat, working on Casey's. I love that lavender, orchid color. I am going to make a checkered band I think.

Aran

I think Aran knitting is beautiful, and every time I work on something cream colored I think of it. I am cabling James' hat and next up adding a half inch to Greg's, because I couldn't stand it otherwise.
I liked getting off at 9 last night. Don't know why. It just felt weird and unnatural. So glad I don't come in any earlier. I don't know.

I love HATS!

I am still not tired of hats. I'm working on a white one for Tahmra's man James, who is a real sweetie. I think it'll look great on him, and I want to cable it all fancy like. Though the scarf is simple. I am having a hard time telling different shades of cream/white/ecru/eggshell or whatever ivory, beige, off-white are. It's kind of sad. And red gets me. Is it crimson, vermilion, rust, raspberry? It's red. Ok?
Today I start 1-9 and I am as nervous as a schoolgirl. I keep thinking, this will be a new era in productivity!
I worry about eating late- I already aim for a light snack after work, instead of a big meal. But now, going in at 1pm, I'll have to get used to an earlier large meal and keep to a plain sandwich or yogurt or crackers after work. Who knows, I might start an exercise regime! It could happen. Maybe.
I do need to hit the elliptical trainer. I bought it. It's in there. I have a damn i-Pod, to make it interesting. Why don't I get off my butt and do it now, or even at 1am when I used to be home getting ready for bed? Because I am so lazy. I have to face it. I am a slug. Maybe I can do something about that. Slinking by on the bare minimum, knitting all the time is no way to go through life.
But I have all these hats I have to make....

Victim of Changes

Ah! Ah! My last day on 4-midnight. I am deeply conflicted, both because I don't know how I'll like another shift, and I adapt poorly to change. Or let's say, I hate change, but I seem to get over it fast. I don't feel like I'll be sad and miserable at work, but it wont be the same and that's the bad part. I am praying that I do like my new shift, but my skepticism is un-budge-able.
It's nice out and I'm not doing much- looking at my knitting pile. Only a little more pathetic than my sewing pile.
God I need to get a life.

Good Deeds

I try to be a decent person, mostly due to a Christian upbringing, guilt and all, and I especially try to help my folks out. I vacuumed yesterday, then rode nearly 4 hours home, then had to sweep and mop my own home due to a puppy related incident that involved Angus and Chloe escaping their enclosure and going on a rampage. Good to report my first reaction to seeing the carnage- or rug-age, as it was mostly a rug of Blackie's, was to laugh.
But my back hurt when I was finished and it's killing me now, too. Rats! Couple days ought to settle it down.
Next trip dogs are scheduled for outdoors! Except Blackie, who is good. He must have been totally freaked out by the puppies tearing stuff up. Of course he would never help them. Never!

What day is this, anyway?

So it's Sunday, is it? Can't tell, I have the curtains closed. It's dark in here. I will need to shed light if I intend to sew anything. Which I probably wont do.
These last days of 4-midnight are kind of bittersweet for me. What a fucking sap. But last night I thought, this is my last Saturday walking out of here, weary and sticky from all the smoke and darkness after midnight. Maybe. Maybe this will all be a bad dream. Man, that would be cool.
I've worked these hours for 6 years, at the minimum, maybe closer to 7, and I am very much a creature of habit.
I've been reading a lot of weight related blogs, and find my own thoughts and actions eerily similar. Like anyone else who has lost weight, a little or a lot, I am terrified of gaining a pound, the mental vision of a cat clawing it's way down a wall, fighting every inch comes to mind. That's me and food. Yuck! I hate having this 'condition' and even at my age, when I should be past if not vanity then the yoke of peer pressure, I struggle to not find my only value as a human in what size pants I can squeeze my ass into. (12, a pair of juniors I should let rest while I pull on a 12 misses and celebrate getting my hands in and out of the pockets easily.) Not eating makes me good, eating makes me very bad, worthless, weak and fat.
The one thing I know works is avoiding eating out. If you just eat sensible things at home, you can even eat a little ice cream now and then. If you're getting fast food at a drive-thru or a restaurant where portion sizes are calculated to make people feel like they're getting value, it's just too damn much food. Too much fat, too much salt, enough for probably three meals. Ridiculous to submit to that. But I love eating out too much to ever quit totally. Exotic things, gourmet, trendy, oh, I'll be there holding a fork. Drooling.
Why does life have to be so hard?
I am not whining anymore. Big baby.

Here and Now

It's a gorgeous day, 68 degrees and sunny, beautiful, and of course I have to work. Not that I would do anything more than I'm doing now if I wasn't slated to go act as the doorman into gambling hell. But whatever.
I finished Lois' hat and she's not going to be at work. Freakin' terrific! I have hats lying around ready for people to pick up and this room is starting to look like some kind of weird millinery warehouse.
Started Justin's hat again. It was his birthday yesterday. While knitting the idea of doing cables just bored me so I am making it black and blue, but with some kind of pattern. Maybe a big peace sign. Maybe his initials. I'm going to try a little fairisle, anyhow. Something different.

TGIF

I am not sure why Friday should matter, but it does. It will be fast and busy at work tonight. I like that. It's beautiful here today and I'm up betimes to run a couple errands involving dog food and other staples.
Falling back to work has been a real blessing. I am so glad to be back on a normal schedule. Next Friday I'll be changing hours, 1-9, which ought to be a tremendous shock to my system because I've been 4-midnight for almost 6 years. I look forward to getting home a bit earlier, and hope my time still allows me to go to doctor appointments and keep up my knitting. I'm working on a red cap for Lois, and then I'm back to Justin's black and blue, since, of course, I gave his away.

Back to Knitting

I finished Jeff's cheerful red hat, working on one for Lois. My personal hat is not going to work. Fail! My idea to make a cute hat that won't crush the crap out of your hair needs some tweaking, especially without the black bow. Ugh, I don't think I'll unravel it yet. I hope to re-do Justin's hat, which was gorgeous, indeed, and make a slouch hat for Clarissa, my neighbor. I gave Justin's hat to Roy, her very cool little boy, and do they have some gorgeous little puppies. I'd love to have one.
Maybe this hat isn't so bad. I don't know; I got my hair cut Tuesday so everything looks odd.
I woke up with a migraine this morning, and it's weird how I'll think of all sorts of reasons why I have one...but I didn't eat chocolate- oh, I had a slice of ham on a sandwich last night. One slice of ham, which is the only thing I've had that's bad. The list of bad things, what with gout and migraine, is huge. Adventure!

Back on the Needles

I started a cap for Jeff yesterday in a bright red that should make me cheerful just looking at it. Got about a half inch past the brim and gave up. I am trying to render my sewing room habitable, which is a joke but I wont go in to it at this point.
My vacation has been ok. I got what I wanted done...mostly. I still haven't done much with the closet and that is what a few other things hinge on, but otherwise I wasn't too bad. At least I wasn't sick the entire time.
The dark red curtains in my sewing room are not going to work. I can already feel it.

November

Marie sits in piles and I feel my true age! I had fun, prancing around in that big mess but on to bigger and better things!
I thought about my livingroom curtains, and thinking is as far as it's progressed. I have a few errands to run today and it's gorgeous outside, no wind, brilliant sun, leaves still clinging to the trees. We still haven't had a freeze. I love fall.
I have a zipper to fix, some kind of order to put this sewing room in, and that closet. That closet it still looking at me with wistful hope. And I plan on doing right by it. Especially since there is a Goodwill drop off just down the block. Lookout! Hope they don't mind big polyester.

Time's Up

It's Halloween and the costume is not exactly ready. I mean...close. Really close. Just a few stitches here and there, some makeup tweaking....
And no knitting has been done since I finished the hat belonging to Bonnie. I haven't been able to look in my knitting sack, where there is a ball of dark green ready to go.

Sunny

After a week of constant rain (ok, one day didn't rain but I was cleaning house so I didn't get to look at it) today is sunny and windy. I am enchanted with the gold and blue morning out there! I love clouds, though, and all their shapes and types but a clear sky today is better than all the mammatus.
I was running around cleaning things and moving boxes in closets when dad called to my mom, come look at these clouds. I raced for my camera, and admired the sky after a storm had rolled through. No one enjoys a good bunch of clouds more than I do. I predict weather with clouds, my most famous prediction being, "Fish scales. Rain's coming in!" I can't explain why or where I learned this, but it's pretty accurate. Of course I live in Oklahoma. I could say anything (Fish scales. Gonna be windy- hot-cold-snowy...) and I could be close.
Ah! So much to do!

Success

I am delighted to be home after doing some real good at my mom's. She is having company and now the house is going to be ready for it. I hope! I'm sure she'll get into something else, I just don't know what. God help us if it involves a ladder.
I knitted many hats! Many! One for me, then three more for Justin, Molly and Bonnie. Right now I don't even have anything on my needles. I don't know how long it's been since that happened.
What next? I don't know. There are still plenty of hats.

Anxious

Tomorrow I am heading to MO and leaving Bug to watch the dogs. I am intensely anxious about this and all the rest of my life, though I am sure I will survive. I am constantly reminded of 2003 and my 'vacation' and...well, it wasn't good. The only positive thing about it was I read Shogun again.
So there's no telling what I'll be involved in. Knitting will be involved a bit, I imagine.

Appointment at 11!

I am trying to get Bug up for his dr. ap. Yuck. He hates to go and I hate to make him. Especially a followup where we know there'll be nothing new. I am sorry to have to poke him enough to make him quit snoring. But ya do what ya gotta.

Knitting and More

Well. Vacation Day 2! Yesterday I had a meeting at work so that was kind of a wash. I went prowling Ehrle's Party Supply and found things for this year's dead marie and next years pink flap. I am considering venturing out for cat food and an early morning airing.
I finished Miss Fiona's scarf- except for fringe- and am perilously close to completing the cap. Every time I make a hat I think, I don't even own a decent hat. I'm making a hat like this for me. I also don't own a decent scarf. Too busy to knit for myself. Have to go to WalMart!

Vacation?

Work was just wretched and I am so glad I'm out of there for a while. Then I start thinking of what I'm going to be doing for the next couple weeks and I think....ugh. Double UGH!
Maybe it wont be so bad.

Sunday/Friday

What a week. I'm just getting too old and past it to enjoy much. Fortunately this is my last day until November 4th! But as I contemplate 'vacation' I can't fool myself. I'm not doing anything good. I'm just using up time so I don't have a hole bunch of hours built up. I always take my birthday off because I don't like people I work with thinking they have to get me something. Out of site out of mind!
I hope to do some organizing here at home, help mom clean up after the carpet install, maybe visit Doug's mom. I have to finish dead Marie and luckily Halloween is on a weekend so I can enter a contest if I want. Of course the nakedest one wins, but I think it'll be fun anyway, even as a loser.
Mmmm...not so much, really. I don't like to be a loser.
I'm just sitting here shaking my head, wondering why I got up this morning!

Too Tired to Sleep

I dragged my ass out of bed at a little after 6 Friday morning. I ran around all day and worked all evening. It was probably nearly 1230 am Saturday when I got home. I can't sleep. Even though I'm tired- nay, exhausted- I can't sleep. I hate having my schedule all whacked out. I suppose it'll get better. After all, I only have 2 more days before vacation and then, wonder of wonders, I am changing shifts in October. I hope I like it, half as much as I like my current shift.
I do need a change but all I can think of is losing my friends. I hate that.
Fortunately, I make new friends, at least superficially, on the surface. God knows I don't want to inflict the reality of my life on anyone else!

Legal

I am the proud owner of a new driver's license. Four years of that goofy picture. Oh well. I am not going to like anything as long as it's as gray, gloomy and yucky as it is today. And it is.
Knit-wise I ran in to trouble with the flames and I'm still not sure how I like what's going on. For the first time ever I am thinking, I don't want to finish this at all. Maybe that means I should start over without the flames. I don't know. I've hit the wall.
I'm coveting the cream, blue and green I'm going to make for Fiona. Ready to do something different.

Cold and Rainy

Of course the weather is shit. It's my day off. Yesterday I didn't feel like doing anything but today I feel a little better and can't think of any reason to get out in the weather.
Yesterday I cooked a big pot of corn chowder. It was basically potato soup but I put chives, parsely, chicken base and some 2% cheese in it. Leftovers!
Pondering my mission in life! In my youth I styled myself as an artist, but I knew my mediocre talents are pretty much useless there.
I just this second decided to re-do the black flame and devil horn hat I am making. Just this minute! I'm tearing it out and finishing those flames right! Yay!

Time's a wastin'

I wonder who the hell said that when I was a kid? I don't know, mighta heard it in a movie. But it's true. It's already the 12th, Doug's birthday is Thursday and I am not anywhere near getting anything done. Except a few hats. And who knows! Maybe I'm sick and don't feel like doing much.
That is unfortunately the case. Not bad sick but I'm thinking it's a kidney infection. My back is killing me. Plus my ankles and eyes are puffed up. Hideous!

A Rainy Morning

Brought the dogs in because it's drizzling out there. Steady, sleeping drizzle. I am going to do that, mostly so I can get to work today...though I feel awful, and my stomach hasn't really been tested by eating much. I am tired, but filled with resolution.
Today I put bids on 4 positions, being 10-6 and 1-9. The rest look pretty much like 6-2 and I know I don't want that. With days off during the week this might be a great change!
I don't know. I am a creature of habit. Feeling so bad I haven't been able to knit even. Just sleeping and sleeping. Maybe I'll start feeling better. I don't know whether to blame bad water, flu shot Friday, Third time a charm Pizza or what. I know I don't want pizza for a long time. Or a flu shot!

Barf

I was sick all night- probably yesterday afternoon on, though I'd been queasy for days. I surprised Bug with how much somebody can hurl. Then had to take him for the back shot (there are technical words for it but I don't know want to spell them right now) and found that due to the rash on his lower back he wasn't able to have the injection. Then we dropped by Bed Bath and Beyond on the way home. That place is addictive.
I feel so bad. I just want to sleep.

The Swine! And Makeup

Oh, dear, the swineflu is making me all anxious and finding my mind cast back to Stephen King's The Stand....and of course I think about all the stuff in the stores I could have, FREE! Because I would naturally live through the flu and set myself up in a big cave with a treadle sewing machine...I'd be the Rose Bertin of the post-apocalyptic future, designing fashions for the mutants left...oh, wait, swine flu, not nuclear bomb.
In my quest for a makeup that doesn't cost $17 (my old age makeup by loreal. I like it well enough but it's so pricey.) Of course, price isn't the issue is it? I want the foundation of youth, that covers up the ravages of time and doesn't settle into wrinkles and scars! I got Maybelline Dream Mousse (WHY do I fall for the fancy names?) and it's right on as far as color. I can always find the putty, taupe shade that's very pale with Maybelline. But the texture of this makeup is so gross- reminds me of that Almay stuff I tried and broke out all over. I mean, damn, who in the world needs so much grease that it never dries and looks like I'm sweating like a pig all the time.
I saw a method online for mixing mineral makeup with your tinted moisturizer for more opacity and tried it, since God knows I have all kinds of stuff laying around. I don't think I used enough powder, because this feels like I put olive oil all over. I am afraid I will be disgusting in a couple days. More disgusting.
Knitting, on top of all this.

Gloomy

Gloomy looking anyway. Feels like fall. Up betimes and contemplating my momentously huge mess of a sewing project. I see other people with good documentation of their crafts and me....not so much. In fact, downright bad. Just realized the camera has been in the car a week!

Saturday Morning

It's not a bad day but it hasn't been great. I have been knitting as much as usual, baby hats, big hats.. lots of hats. I keep adding to the list and even though it's getting done I can't seem to quit adding hats. The list changes but not enough!

Gray and Rainy

I can't believe it's already October. What a year. I don't suppose any of them get any better.
I was watching Youtube video of red persian cats, missing Ember. I think of her often. Part of me wishes I hadn't been there to put her down then I think, well, I would never have left her alone otherwise. I am rich with cats and dogs, but Ember-poor!
Working on a scarf and hat for a baby. Then I'm not sure which way to go. I am still working on the list, which grows and grows.

Coffee

Ah! Coffee! Nectar of the gods. I haven't had a real cup since July. Bug got me a little 5 cup maker and I guess I'm right back where I was. Can I not quit anything? Maybe not. Eh, whatchagonnado?
Finished the blues hat- I combined cables and stripes and I'm not sure it really did a lot of good on either one. I think I'll try something a little different this next hat, which is beige and brown and cream. I think a solid color shows off the detail of the cables, and a stockinette stitch is the only way stripes look good. We'll see.
It's another gorgeous day, supposed to be hot. I hope it's good.

In General

When life is so weird the only thing to do is concentrate on other things.
I had Bug wrap me in duct tape so I could make a new dress dummy. I feel weird about tossing out the old one- after I un-stuff it and render it less like me, if possible.
I hope I can keep on track with my costume. It's almost October.
Thelma the black and white cat is taking advantage of the fact that the closet is open. She sounded like a water buffalo in there.
I don't think I've seen a prettier morning. Figures. On my days off it was horrid and gray.

Storming

Because we don't watch the weather, our nice little drive in the country with fishing poles in the back resulted in taking shelter in a casino and waiting out the rain- there are floods everywhere and we had some tense moments getting back home. The last place you should seek shelter is at a casino unless you are very rich!
I finished the wolf hat for Brett and looking at my list (which keeps growing and growing) I am trying to decide who to do next....I had gathered up the yarn to make April's green hat but it's in the car and it's nearly 1:30 am and I don't want to go get it. The next hat is going to be simple and quick. I hope. At least, no ears.

All kinds of Hats

My sewing room is a hellhole so I am trying to organize it somewhat in order to access more than one chair. I finished Donna's hat and it was cute as a bean. Work busy and fast-paced and pretty fun. I like it that way.
This room looks like a junk store. It's nice junk though. I like it. I always say there are good vibes in here. Even with the gigantic Marie skirt blocking the sun. Oh well. I am usually done by now, nothing left but some gewgaws. But this year not so much. I also bought some hot pink items for a different costume idea I have brewing.
I am ignoring everything about real life until further notice.

Last Days of Summer

On my trip to Mo I saw all the tell-tale signs of fall, lots of reds and oranges and yellows, but the rain's come pretty regular and hopefully this will be a good autumn for foliage. That's something that I didn't know much about growing up in Wyoming. We had the quaking aspens in the mountains and a bit of cotton wood. There wasn't much fall there, just a day in September when it started snowing.
Here...all four seasons baby, complete with blooming and sneezing. I do love it. I hope I can enjoy the seasons more this time than summer- one of the coolest summers and I never did anything fun during it!
Well- the knitting has been fun. Made a variegated pink and purple cat ear hat for Reita, made dad a beautifully cabled beige and cream hat, working on pale and dark pink cap for Donna. I love my friends and it makes me so happy to give them something that makes them happy. Still working in Terri's fingerless gloves..or not working on them but thinking about it. I was on the verge of trying a different thumb, but I think I'll go back to my old way of doing it and see what happens. I learn something new with every project. It's saved me from going completely nuts.
On my way back from MO I stopped at a casino in Miami. I took in 20 bucks and walked out within 20 minutes with 200! Yay! That helped pay the internet bill!

Scarf-finis!

dr who hangs complete with ends tucked and fringe sweeping the floor. Makes me think I should sweep the floor, too, but I can't be bothered with that now. I am working on a red and white cap, then making plans for what's next. I am really glad to be done with the who. That was grueling. On to smaller and easier to carry things!

Labor Day

I'm off today, and harboring plans- but there is a question of some stomach issues. I ate some delicious bbq and now I can't stop hiccuping and other grosser bodily functions and there isn't a Tums in the house to make it that much worse. I think they're in the car. I'm not going out there. Yet. We'll see how bad this gets. Bad enough to get me out of bed at 7!
Plan on sewing a bit- and of course knitting, probably on the Whoscarf. Which I am getting heartily tired of. I doubt I will make another one in this lifetime.
During my online research I have stumbled across many cool and informative sites dealing with 18th century fashion, etiquette and history. This makes me recall the olden days when I used to wander the stacks of the library and choose my books carefully, no more than three or four, those wondrous Claude Manceron books, the Dewey Decimal system, which I know intimately, having worked at the library in college. I loved that! I miss that. Oh, well. This is so much easier. I don't even have to put on shoes.

Don't Get Out of Bed

There are some days when I think this but ignore it. There are some days when I should heed this warning. I think most of them are like that, actually. I am beginning to realize as I edge my way toward 50 that life is just a series of tasks and the only way to get through is to get them done. Work work work!

Bad Moon Rising

Full moon last night- one of those big golden ones, not quite a Harvest Moon but beautiful nonetheless and of course accompanied by all the lunacy I could wish for.
Phone problems around the house, which is just PEACHY. I am not even going to detail what it's been like!
I finished Terri's hat, then looked at my scarflist and thought, damn thing keeps growing. If I ever finish up, I wont know what to do. A couple months ago I was considering blankets and things but I like something small enough to bring with me. I do have patterns for socks.....

Plugging Away

Still working on Dr. Who- I'm close to 3/4 done. Started a red and black cap for Terri, which I hope will have some fingerless gloves with it. I am ready to do something fun. Hats are great. The black and blue I made for Kamisha was adorable. Hope it looks as good on her as it did on me! I am enjoying it. Still not smoking. Watching the US Open. Puked a lot last night after eating Hideaway Pizza, but I don't think it was the pizza. Just little old nauseous me.

Projects

It's September 1st! I view this with mixed feelings. Fall is coming, yay. Winter is coming. Boo. I love fall though, everything about it! Except maybe the ragweed. Which of course has given me a sinus infection. I'm taking antibiotics. Maybe I'll get to feeling better. Trying to render my sewing room habitable. So so. And, conscious that it's September, I began to work on my Marie costume a bit. I decided to use the gold fabric to make a sort of corset and underskirt, and then use the black to make a big poofy gathered up over skirt and bodice. There should be all sorts of scraps to make bows and ruching and extras. I have been knitting so much that my sewing has fallen by the wayside. Now I must do it all!
I'm over half through with the Whoscarf, and not displeased with it as yet. I found a plastic carry bag so I can put it in with a few balls of yarn and keep my other hat-knitting bag free.
I bought Almay PureBlend makeup last week- it was on triple sale of $4 and seemed like a good deal to try. I forgot that I have never ever had any luck with the Almay brand, and this time was no exception. The tinted moisturizer (for that is what it is) was VERY greasy feeling and no coverage. I have pretty good skin so I didn't care about the translucence but the grease! I broke out almost immediately. Used it two days then quit because the pimples were erupting everywhere. GROSS!!! I am so throwing that shit out. I also noticed that my mascara was all under my eyes because it smeared in the oiliness when I blinked. What a mess, It was disgusting. I hope I remember this next time I'm tempted to try Almay. It's not as disappointing as when I realized mineral foundation made me look 10 years older, but close. Almay seems like it should be so great, and I was hoping that my older skin would do well with something supposedly pure and natural. HMPH. No luck there. So far the L'Oreal Age Perfecting is ok, but the color is just a little off. I'm sort of bluish and the yellows and orangey shades just look bad on me.
Well! That was boring.

Murder TV

I like to watch what my husband calls Murder TV, all the biographical shows and cold case shows. Non-fiction, preferably though I will also watch Law-n-Order (I call it 'lonorda'- "Hey Bug, Lonorda is coming on!") I always like when the bad guy gets caught. Even when it takes 20 years.
Note to self: DO NOT MURDER ANYONE!

Bills Bills Bills

I ran all kinds of errands this morning, getting the car insurance paid, the car registration, my shot and pills and Popeye's catfish for lunch as Bug requested. I came home, got ready and now just need to let my (black) nails dry before I put my clothes on. I am already sort of tired! And haven't even got to work yet.
I haven't done much knitting, too much running, but I'm working on Kamish's black and blue hat. I hope it looks as cool as I plan it to!

August Oddness

This has been the weirdest and most beautiful August I've ever seen in Oklahoma, and apparently in Missouri. Everything is as green as springtime, and though it's been 106 in other parts of OK we were a lovely 90!
I am hoping today is a better day- had migraine and other issues on days off, still don't feel very well. Mom and dad think all my troubles have come from quitting drinking coffee. I don't think so, because when I was drinking coffee I would pour a cup and forget it. Dump it out, get another cup, have a couple sips, forget it. Forget it and find the pot still half full. Not smoking makes coffee a waste of time. Unfortunately, that I am scared of their water isn't something I feel up to telling either of them.
I wish I could skip this whole mess and go right to oblivion.
That's not an option, of course, not with the WhoScarf project and so much to do. I bought red yarn and plan to use it for so many things. I hope today doesn't suck as much as this morning has.

Off Today

And it's supposed to be nice. Thelma is crawling all over me purring andI am thinking of the dozens of things I'll have to get done before I can head out on my road trip.
Work particularly awful last night.
I am ready for a change of pace. Maybe I'll be ok. I could hardly sleep I had so much on my mind and I'll feel bad about it forever. Especially my days off but I guess I can't help it now.

Random Stuff

I finished Casey's hat, started work on Sarah's bunny hat and continued with the WhoScarf, which promises to be a challenge. I hope it turns out, though the pattern is daunting. I have about two feet done and it's not even 1/8th of the pattern....I like the mix of colors I have on hand though, which hopefully will be enough for a Whoscarf.
Other things are...as usual. Which is never good. Phone rang at 9am on this lovely Saturday morning, despite my working until midnight and not going to bed until 230am. So I'm up now!

Routine

I am trying to stick to a routine but I can't seem to do it. Knitting hats, because I like them. I am also coffee free still. Not sure if it's good or bad.
I am working on a hat for Casey with purple.
Bought a wig head to take better pics of my knit caps, so we'll see if I can get some done. No telling. I am sort of yucky today, mostly because I have to get Doug to the dr. at 1:30. He didn't get any sleep last night. Now he's dozing. He can't eat anything, either. Not for 8 hours. I am dreading this. But then I dread most things, don't I?

Thin Legs Policy

Sitting here watching The Mighty Boosh on the internet. I do enjoy the British take on things. I am having mitten issues- I suppose I'll have to break down and follow a pattern if I can find one I'm not too stupid to understand. Guerrilla knitting only takes you so far.
Got yellow paint for the kitchen and a ceiling paint that goes on purple and dries white. I don't know when it'll get done. Or by whom. I think Bug's tackling it. I haven't gone out of my sewing room out of lethargy.
I need to do laundry and then figure out what to do with the thumbs.

It's my Monday

I am ready to go back to work. Though my days off were great and all, it's time to get back on a schedule.
Had such a good visit with my sister. We don't get to see each other much but when we do, we're just the same as always. I was glad to see the folks doing pretty well, too. Now if we just get my household in order, things will be terrific!
I bought more gold satin for the costume- washed it and folded it. I've got the dress pretty much made in my head, including the hat. But so far nothing done, just pinned together. I am eager to start but just can't make the time what with all the knitting.
Made a cable hat for a child, then a pair of mittens. So far I have one done, without the thumb, and about half through the other. I was done but found a flaw....several flaws...hell, it was all jacked up! I keep looking over patterns but none of them seem to be logical to my weird head. I'll keep trying. Next one I'll actually follow a pattern.
I made the kangaroo hat and discovered Thelma is terrified of it. She would lay her ears down and run when I put it on, then come right back the minute I took it off. Lots of fun with that last night!

Hats

I like hats, hardly ever wear them and I love to make them. I've almost decided that I will stay exclusively with caps and maybe mittens and just do the Who scarf. I haven't really enjoyed scarves and probably wont until I come up with a more rewarding pattern.
I made the kangaroo cap and knit a little cabled cap suitable for a little boy. So cute! I didn't have any other yarn with me so that's what I ended up with. I started a mitten. Bug suggested little boy across the street. I love the hat with the black band, and am considering making it in a little smaller size for Fiona. It would look cute in green or maybe blue. I don't know. I'm starting to think I need to get to work on the costume, which is starting to shape up in my head. I plan on making the underskirt in gold, then the big over dress. I got some black spray paint for the hat, which I might or might use but I'll have a bitchin' black hat at any rate.

Packing it Up

I should be running around but I can't get motivated. Once I start I'll be ok but starting is proving to be a challenge. I need to pack and render myself dressed and see to the animals and Bug.
First thing this morning I was hugging Chloe and she flopped her head and popped me in the mouth. I figure the whole day will be like that.
I finished the mittens. I've done worse. I think I will attempt another pair, in a different size and dimension. I have to laugh at myself.
I need to get more serious about patterns. I WILL! Seat of the pants sewing and knitting is great but using a real pattern always produces the best results. Lazy not to do it. But you have to read it, then figure it out, then start it all and see if it's right. There is some satisfaction of grabbing some yarn and taking off.
I just decided I would make a few cardboard hands and come up with my own mitten pattern. We'll see.
Part of my difficulty with patterns is my problem with needle size. My hat knitters started out in life being one size (Which I can't even remember what that is) and due to Chloe's chewing and the regular demands of business (I sanded them down to get them closer to the size of my double pointed needles.) I don't know WHAT they are.
I just started a kangaroo hat for Tabatha at work. She is a great dresser upper, soon-to-be-married all around good girl. But I looked up some photos of kangaroos and they are not cute and cuddly. They are all gross and rodent-like. Eeeew. I might look up baby pictures. All babies are cute, no matter the species. Even humans!

Mittens

I am fumbling through mittens- made a very cute hat with a simple knit-purl rib knit brim then increased the body of the hat, shaping it to the crown and decreasing, ending in a little pompom. All done in tan and rose, which is very pretty together. I am about 1/3 through the mitten trying to think how to make a better thumb than the last few thumbs I've made, which is a challenge. I love it!

Hot Tuesday

Temperature hot, that is. I shudder to think what my PSO will run next month. Ah, well! Summer is like that. I'm not sure what my plans include today. Thought about making chicken and noodles which is Bug's absolute favorite... home made noodles. He just peeped in and said, "It's too hot outside. Why don't you just have a day of leisure." Which are great words to hear. Finished Justin's scarf, put thumbs on Heather's gloves and now am starting a Dr. Who scarf, an undertaking I approach with a little trepidation, since it's a 9' scarf with eight or more colors in it. I hope it's a long journey of ups and downs. I watched "The Last Knit" on Youtube and just nodded understandingly.

No Coffee

I haven't had coffee since Tuesday, so I figure I can quit drinking it for good. Not that I had a problem with it but I do know caffeine is bad and I don't want to do anything bad for me. Ha ha ha. I also have tried so hard to quit Pepsi.....there is a whole story. I wont go into it but at times my password is, pepsi4me or pepsi4u....I love it. DELICIOUS! Oh, bad for you, bad for you.
Last night at work I was gifted with the coolest hat EVER, a patrol cap, with a beautiful pin and it's all the way from Iraq, given by the dear son of a dear friend. I get tears in my eyes thinking about what heads those hats shelter, young uns far from home, brave, good souls, just kids- but what kids! God bless our troops from all wars.
Perish the asshole son of a bitch teacher I had in high school who called our armed forces "Welfare in Uniform". I hate that fucker for even putting that in people's heads, when our soldiers in times of peace or war go willingly to make the same sacrifice. As the proud daughter of a proud veteran I feel deeply respectful and aware of those defending our freedom and protecting us. USA! USA!

Not too bad

Went to the doc office today and they took some blood, screening for...oh, lots of things I guess. One of the problems is liver enzymes, and the doctor said that might be caused in part by my spectacular no-smoking weight gain. I was pleased to note I have lost about 10 pounds of it. Oh, well! I don't know what's worse, fat or sick! Fat. No, sick. No, fat. Oh, tossup. I don't want to be either.
The bad thing is, I know about calories and diets. I used to do that for a living. Nothing has changed since I got out of it. I know you have to use more than you take in to lose. Back to counting every calorie.
I quit drinking coffee. Started drinking reduced calorie Gatorade. Maybe, maybe I will start to feel better.
As for knitting, about which this is supposed to be, I am still on Justin's scarf- the short side though. Who knows how long that will take.

Add-on

I am better but I think there's still reason enough to go in tomorrow and take my old labwork to see if any of this is linked. I read pancreatitis with wariness just now......we'll see. I have survived and everything is. That's all. Everything is.

Still Leaking

I am still sick. I am supposed to try the witch doctor remedies until tomorrow when I go to the Saturday clinic. I can imagine how that goes. Ugh.
Haven't knitted. I may forget how!!!

Sick AGAIN

WTF!?!?!? I am sick again, same old diarrhea and puking. I slept almost nonstop from about 4 yesterday until 10 today, if you can call rolling around trying to get cool or warm up sleeping. I have begun to fear it's the well water up in MO. I don't know but it's going to kill me. I hope I can survive. I can't keep anything down. Or in. I am going to have to send Bug on errands and that's never good. I haven't picked up my knitting since Tuesday! Scandal!

Wednesday Whining

I hate waking up and feeling bad. I am going back to bed and get some real sleep as I tossed and turned all night long. I have a lot of gut pain and quease going on. WHY? WHY? I don't know but I suppose it might have to do with a lot of fruit, cantaloupe and cherries, peaches and plums. I might have to just go back to bed.

Not Ready

I have some serious crap to do today and I don't really want to put on clothes but I suppose I will. And the scarf I'm having trouble with is remaining that. A pain in the ass. I am now going to try a rib and cable stitch that I saw online and looks easy, what I tried to do with cables before I knew what I was doing.
Working on the thumb of pink mitten #1. You just have to take it a step at a time. This is just how I learn anything, on my own from TV.

Ready!

I am waddling around thinking about what preparations need to be made for me to make it to work. ALL of them...eeew.
I made a little hot pink hat, covered in cables with a rib stitch brim, and a pom pom on top for a girl at work who's got a new grandbaby. Trying..trying..to make mittens. I feel it's not so much as I'm stupid as I haven't stumbled across the right pattern. I think I can fake several together.
I am enjoying the double pointed needles, though. The problem is I'm no good at knowing what size my unmarked needles are and if I can make a proper gauge swatch. Ugh. One thing at a time. Not long ago I looked at stitch markers, double pointed needles and cables as out of my realm of capability. Now, easy breezy.

The Megrims

I don't know where I heard the term "summer megrims" but for years I've used to for describing sick in July. My summer megrims have involved my stomach going batshit on me, though 'megrim' is actually a migraine. I may have heard that from my mom. Her mother was born in 1896 so Victoria was still alive and well in those days.
I am up early, having destroyed my latest attempt at Justin's scarf..I mean, DAMN I just can't get it right. I am trying some different things. a garter stitch border and stockinet field, with some random squares going along. Then I'm hoping to incorporate some cables, a narrow one, or series of them. Jeez I am really trying hard. I hope I stumble across something I can live with.
I think we're going to Poteau today so I can knit in the car. Sad!
Sometimes I feel like I'm extra stupid and sloppy, but I'm doing better than I was six months ago. It's already so much easier- my ability to fix small mistakes has grown, and now I can look at the fabric and know whether to knit or purl. See? I'm an idiot. I think I would have benefitted from someone who knits being around.
Isn't it odd that crochet hooks are mandatory in knitting- and yet crochet never needs a knitting needle. (Shaking head slowly) Hm.
I need to get busy, though there is a cat on my lap- one named Thelma Lou, and she is being nice for once.

OK Chloe

So far it seems that all my fuzzy children are doing well now. Thelma is sleeping on my lap purring right now. She is sweet- but all claws and paws sometimes. I am tired, ready for bed so I can get up early and go to the Farmer's Market in Broken Arrow. It opens at 8 and it's already past two. I am finally winding down from the night at work. I am yawning a little and I guess it's time to get some rest so I can get homegrown tomatoes, which I plan to eat half a bushel of!

WTF!

What next? What more can go wrong? Chloe is sick, puking and lying around. I am worried sick- as well as just clearing a bad bug myself. I still feel yucko, had 1/2 a turkey sandwich yesterday and that's it. I still feel like part of my gut might explode but on the mend, at least. More than I can say for my little dog. She's drinking water but not eating. If she doesn't shape up today she's going to the vet. I am not going to sit around and worry about her. I love her too much.
Otis is fine and furry, trying to slink into my sewing room which is MAJOR off limits to all animals and maybe Bug too.

Yarn!

Mom has gotten me a dozen skeins of yarn, or thread as we call it! She got it on sale for $2 and I will be stocked up for a while- yay! I love my mom. She is the most thoughtful person I've ever known and I feel lucky to have her. Especially when we look at the kind of illnesses she's had. The last appendix thing was touch and go for awhile. No one ever likes you as much as your mom!
She has always encouraged me in my hobbies- and now that I'm trying really hard to knit better it's even impressing her a bit. Cables! Easy and amazing!
I do have a long way to go. My work is still lumpy and haphazard, but I will keep trying. It's vastly rewarding to create something useful and pretty. I like doing it. I realize it keeps me from smoking, eating and gambling. Three of of my favorite things. So I better keep at it.

DPN

DPN means double pointed needles, and I bought a set of 4- though they come in sets of 5 which WalMart didn't have. I was pretty much thinking that I'd never need them but they were three bucks and you never know....so I decided to give them a try and made a stocking hat for Heather's birthday. It would have been better had I realized my circular needles are a bit big. It's hard to tell what diameter they are because I've had to whittle them down since Chloe chewed them. I enjoyed making the glove that's finished, though I still have no idea how to make a thumb. I learn something new every day.
I have been sick all night, gut issues that are too gross to detail. No puking, but I'm nauseous and I've had the runs half a dozen times. Yuck.
I don't even feel like knitting, and there's so much I need to get done. I just want to get back in bed and sleep until I feel human.

Day at the Clinic

Took Otis to the vet today- and who knows how he'll deal with being kept there, my dear timid little boy. He was down to about 17 pounds, dehydrated, we expect him to need surgery. They'll do x-rays and possibly exploratory to see what he's ingested. My sewing room s off limits to everyone but me or others who wont eat things like string and rubber bands, bits of tulle and yarn. God, Otis! I am so worried, sick with anxiety. I work today, so I don't know if it's good or bad that I'll have to think of something else...probably good. No one slept last night, what with all the barfing and worries.

Sick Otis

I love my cats, but right now I wish I'd never met them. Otis is sick, I have the feeling he has an intestinal blockage. I am planning on taking him to the vet if one more symptom rises, and of course I'm worried sick. This hasn't been a good year for me and animals. Dandy is missing, Otis is puking and I am knitting.
I don't even feel like talking about the endless cable experiments to try and get the scarves for Miranda's babies done. I am no pro, for sure. I pretty much suck! And as an animal parent I don't think I'm much better.

Post-Surgery

Well. Chloe at least seems to be doing well. I am not sure how to express what's been going on in my head the last couple days. Probably better left unsaid, un-articulated. What could it help? Even getting it off my chest wont do much good. So! Fake it til you make it.

Chloe

Took Chloe in to be spade. I love that little dog, she is so smart and sweet. Can't wait to get her home.
The wait to go fetch her has been endless, despite the riveting Wimbledon action going on. The match between Andy Roddick and Hewitt has been amazing. Hewitt is quite the old man, in tennis terms. In tennis terms someone my age would be dead, no good even for doubles. It took me some time to grow into Hewitt, but I now like him. I hope Andy wins though. I'd like to see an American do well in the tournament.
Yeah so I'm still waiting for the call, thinking about my dear, sweet little dog. She likes to sleep on the couch with me, she snuggles against my legs and snores, and hates to be disturbed when she is napping. We couldn't feed her after 10pm last night and she probably wont be hungry when we do get her home.
I have been truly blessed with good animals. Dandy is sleeping right next to my chair as I write, the cats keep each other and me entertained. And Black is one of the best dogs, the last link to Spice. Now if I can just get my little Chloe-bell home I'll be happy.
Knitting....well, I've been knitting non-stop. I suppose it helps. Learning to keep my stitches even on the round, rib stitch. Working on a beige hat for my boss.
Phone just rang, Chloe is done, I am on my way.

Double Knit

It isn't that hard- in fact, there are elements that make it easier than regular knitting because you can always tell whether you need to knit or purl on each row. I made a..thing...that might be used as a coaster someday but who knows. I also finished Eddie's blue and white, as well as Roni's ensemble and Dawn's glovelets, which are a different thing than I've done.
I almost wrote, I hope she likes it. I know she will, just because it's something I made for her. But I really do hope she likes it.

Under the Weather

Sick yesterday- and I don't feel that great today. But I'm good enough to drag it in to work. I hate calling in but there are times when I shouldn't be anywhere but home in bed. Maybe I can survive tonight. I hope so!
Knitting a very different pattern for a scarf, working on Roni's purple and black and getting to an end of the list. I have the pattern for a scarf called 'Falling Water Lace' which is gorgeous and has yo and ssk in it which will be a great learning experience, and have hopes to learn to double knit, which is fascinating and not that hard. I hope. We'll see.

Funeral

I hate funerals but I'm going to one today. My dear friend Travis passed away Monday. 37 years old, heart attack. I can't believe it, can't accept it. I wonder...what the hell! How could this happen?
It's the saddest family story ever. I knew his mother, Cathy, loved her, was addressed by her as Stepchild, which was an enormous comfort to me. I knew her daughter, Travis' sister Sheila, who was my Evil Twin. I know Cathy's husband Dale and have known the whole lot of them since the early nineties. Sheila passed away from a sudden illness almost two-three? years ago, in October. Cathy passed away over a year ago around Valentine's Day. And now Travis. Unexpected and uncalled for. I can't wrap my mind around it. I can't imagine what Dale is dealing with- and through it all he managed to get a message to me about the service today. So of course, yes, I'll go. To show my respect for him, his family and their grief.
I can't help but ask why. People who all had so much life ahead of them, so much to live for, a family wiped out. I can't understand it.

Wimbledon

I love tennis almost as much as knitting, maybe because I can watch one while I do the other. I played in my extreme youth, very briefly, very badly, and yet I enjoy the sport more than any other on television. I will watch it all day long. Life is suspended when there's a Grand Slam tournament on. I am supremely content watching and was really pissed during the French Open when it was almost exclusively on the Tennis Channel on satellite. I have cable. Lucky for me Wimbledon is on ESPN this year. THANKS ESPN!

Crazy Hat Day

I am pleased that my work is encouraging weird behavior. I have my hat ready, it's my old fishing hat I pinned up the brim and stuffed in tulle and feathers. I am like Vince Noir- my hair is like a hat, all hats suit me. Like him, I am sure there is probably one that doesn't suit.
I am getting rather close to being done with the scarf list. I have 26 projects completed and 11 to go. And they're boys so....conservative, boring colors. Yuck. Now it doesn't seem so close, either. Oh, well, I love a challenge.

Summer Heat is Here

It's supposed to be 99 degrees today. I love Oklahoma, but the heat is just draining. I am doing my best not to whine but this time of year, if you're in the humid boiler of Tulsa, everyone's doing it. Sweating, bitching.....welcome to hell! I wouldn't live anywhere else.
I mowed the back yard yesterday evening while Bug planted the hostas and laid the sod by the porch. I hope it all comes out alright. I didn't do much knitting, just collapsed on the couch.
I don't know what today will bring, aside from crippling heat, but I guess I'm ready.

Deadline

I don't have one, do I? I've been making these hats and things for everyone I work with and I can only think of one deadline: WINTER. And it's half a year away. I am dangerously close to getting done. But then what? Maybe I'll adventure more into Fair Isle knitting. Maybe I'll try a big blanket in rib stitch. Maybe I'll make something I can wear a lot. Maybe I'll knit a car cover.
This morning I found my coffee not made. I panicked. My carafe had been broken and there was no way for me to have my morning brew. Disaster!!!!
I scoured the town for a coffee maker I didn't hate and found one less than a block from home. I purchased it post haste, washed it and made coffee, which I am drinking at two in the afternoon. It's delicious. The pot doesn't have the drip on the hot plate hiss my old one did. YAY!
I have done nothing on my days off. NOTHING. I need to catch up on all my laundry for work. I wear exclusively black, black pants, shirt jacket, socks....bright orange drawers though. I paint my nails black. I dye my hair black. I just look good in black. It's very slimming. And every bit in a pile by the washer.....
I have big plans regarding the dead marie costume, as well, involving bugle beads which I have owned for years and never figured out where to use. I am such a lazy ass.
So I need to get busy, start making some noise, do something productive. Maybe.

More Knitting

I have finished Shay's cream and claret ensemble, now I'm working on Nancy's eggplant and gold, which is very pretty together and someone told me it looked like a Crown Royal bag. Yum.
I do not anticipate a good day, but that doesn't matter. I've got my hair on and my nails shiny black (something I have done since November of 2007. You'd be surprised how many people don't notice my hands look like Herman Munster.) so I am as ready as I'm going to be. Some part of me- the naive, wistful, part optimist, wishes things could be good.
Maybe they never are, for anyone. It's all an illusion anyhow, good, bad. Things just are the way they are, my perception makes it great or crappy. I am usually able to see the glass as half full--I think. I don't know. Maybe I don't know anything. Maybe it's a big mess!
Where are my knitting needles? I need to not think.

Moving Things

I've rearranged my sewing room. It's been an almost all-day job. I put my old computer in the closet, cleaned and threw out and swept up ashes....since I quit smoking in January, this is something that really needed to be done. Eeew. I have it rather bearable, but even in its Early American Dumpster decor it's still my favorite place to be.
I bought a set of knitting needles that light up so you can knit anywhere- "Even in the dark!" the packaging says. One of them is broken and I am taking them back tomorrow, if there's time between two doctor appointments and one 4 hour class. *sigh*

Knitting a Lot

I am really trying to get these things done, learn a lot from each project, try something new and add to my somewhat dubious skills. I enjoy it, it keeps me off the streets and maybe someday I'll get better.
In my personal life, which I try not to dwell on much, things are tolerable, I am a little lonely and knitting is a Godsend. I think I have a dozen more hats and scarfs to make- I added cute little fingerless gloves and those are morphing into different creations. I would like to learn double knit so I can make the scarves more elaborate. One thing at a time. I can barely purl.

Early

I almost added, Cuyler, a tribute to my favorite squidbillie, but alas I refrain from any fun.
I am noticing some improvement in my knitting, this last scarf was more regular in stitches and seemed to go faster. I would like to explore the craft and eventually get to where it's effortless, but somehow, knowing myself as I do, I can't see that happening! I will always be mediocre and everything will be a struggle! If it keeps me from smoking I'll be glad. So far it has.

Morning Chores

Yeah there's a ton of things I need to do but unfortunately I'm watching the Mighty Boosh on Adult Swim and I don't really want to do anything else.
I have numerous things on my to do list. Like, running errands in Broken Arrow, doing something with my shocking catastrophe of a sewing room...which has about fifty projects in it in various states of completion or not. I have enough yarn to knit several car covers. I am getting a disturbing amount of little balls leftover from projects, which I will no doubt knit myself a 20 foot scarf someday in thirty colors.

Wednesday

My knitting is an all-day job seems like. I finished Willo's hat and scarf, Curtis' hat and Kay's hat...but I have the urge to learn how to make fingerless gloves, which is mostly for Kay, as she would actually wear them. Maybe. I guess I'll look for patterns and try something different. Meanwhile, it's 80 degrees here and I'm thinking about winter warm wear. *sigh*

Back to WORK

So today is my Monday and I am dreading it. It's a holiday weekend and usually we're busy with all the people out having fun. I figure Sunday will be the day we actually get our butts kicked. I hate Sundays. Here it is only Saturday and I'm already dreading it.
It'll be good to get back to other human beings, I guess. This has been a long touchy week. Anything bad could have happened and did. I am tired of being careful.
Upside, I've been working on the new costume, which is still a pile of random pieces of fabric pinned to the old dummy. The cats are fascinated by a new hiding spot and I just heard Thelma under it sneezing, slapping out at Otis and getting tangled in the tulle. I got the black tulle to go under the satin and make it poof out more but looking at it- I'd like to show it somewhere. I got 15 yards, .77 a yard at WalMart and the possibilities are endless!

Stitching Away

I am making quick work of hats, made two checkerboard patterns and they are very cute. Scarves take forever, and I have the attention span of a four year old.
Nice day today, I got my fishing license. Maybe tomorrow there will be some actual fishing. I am looking forward to it. I haven't got pics of my pile of hats, etc. so I can't post my work. It has saved my sanity. I love to knit. A lot.

Vacation

Not really vacation so much as Admin days and they are turning out to suck.

Beautiful Again!

It's gorgeous today and we spent it going to the Dr. He was pleased with Bug's progress and we can have more shots as he needs them. I took him to lunch at Carino's (A+, lovely service and food good.) Then we came home and I dug through some closet stuff in search of fabric for my Halloween costume, which is Dead Marie Antoinette, all black and shiny. I want to make a hat for the big wig. Plans plans plans! I have a lot of things to do. Working on Cindy's shades of green scarf and thinking who I'll make for next. It really kind of depends what mood I'm in, really, as to what I'll attempt. But once it's started it has to be finished. I'm like that with everything. Maybe that's wy it takes me awhile to make up my mind.
So far it's a great little stretch off. I'll be starting the very little laundry I have and cleaning. Funfunfun.

Migraine

I hate the look of that word- migraine..and I hate having them. I haven't suffered from one since November of last year, and the one that sneaked up on me yesterday was an unwelcome, feared visitor from hell. I am scared of those headaches- headache isn't even a word that fits what goes on. I get them through my left eye, starting in the upper inside corner close to my nose, then they crawl over the back of my head, and if they make it to my neck it's deadly.
I went to work and then came right home yesterday, which I hate to do, but the migraines are incapacitating, there's not way around it. They SUCK and I can usually manage them, avoid the food triggers and other things...maybe I thought since I quit smoking I could let up on the things I have to stay away from. Not so, I suppose. Oh well. I have that drifting, weird feeling today which is the aftermath of a migraine, maybe the powerful drug to get rid of it. I hope it goes away but I have the feeling, little sharp stabs behind my eye, that it will try to come back. I hate them, they are miserable. People don't understand them, and you look like a nut when you have one. My husband had to put my seatbelt on me yesterday, the sun was hammering nails into my eyes and my sunglasses felt like they were squeezing an open wound. I hate anyone seeing me like that.
It figures. This is my Friday, I am off for a few days and I'll tiptoe around scared of a headache. Great.

Sunlight

Yes, sunny- I think. I'm not real big about looking outside. But I have big errands to run and it's 73 degrees outside.

Today's Plans

I have so many things to do, like finish laundry, track down lunch and go to work. On my days off I took dad for a rather invasive medical test and then came home. Here of course all things are delightful, all is sweet and harmonious. At least I have my knitting, which is something. Finished Amber's cap and scarf, finished Dawn's cap still working on scarf, started David's in navy blue. That leaves about twenty to finish. Maybe more. I'm not counting. Just knitting.

Appointment

I am not ready at all, sitting here trying to mentally prepare for 11:15 appointment. It's raining. AGAIN. And may never, ever stop. The forecast is bleak for next week in its entirety. I am only vaguely cheered by Adult Swim episodes of the Mighty Boosh.
Took Chloe to Lake Skiatook yesterday before work and really had a nice time. She is so fun to walk around and she's not afraid of anything. Although she does pee when she gets really excited. It's still cute but I do hope she outgrows that. She is a sensitive girl and very, very friendly. We both adore her.

All pruney

The weather is making most people I know a little crazy. Dark, long, awful wet stretches of time are having their effect on me. I would like to drive to see some sunlight today, far away if that's what it took. I don't know though, think we're going down south for a family visit. Either way, I hope it's not raining. Or drizzling. Or anything.

Dealing with Stuff

I'm no good at dealing with things like..oh, emotions, loss, addiction, frustration. I am only now realizing how against my personality being confrontational is. And a lot of it depends on mood. Ugh, I don't even like myself. I miss my old cat in surprising ways, bumping into it when I stumble across her old grooming tools or a furball stuck to something.
Sick of this weather. More rain in store, looks like but at least I have to work so it wont be so bad.
My knitting is a lifesaver! I'm struggling through a rib knit scarf, only difficult because I forget what stitch to start with and frequently have to make a few tries to get it right. Started a cap to go with Heather's purple scarf that I made so long ago I don't even have a picture of it. I am doing what I can to stay sane.

St. Francis

We have always gone to St Francis for our medical treatment. I like it there, the big pink monstrosity. We were in the Natalie Building today for Doug's spinal shot (which went better than he expected and was a profound relief) and I was required to drive him home because of the valium and the procedure itself. He hates anyone's driving but his own. I'll post the fabulous formal garden outside the waiting room at the surgical center. The doctor was great, too. I don't know, he's beeen sleeping most of the day except for our whirlwind trip to Walmart where I of course bought more yarn.
I'm making things for people I like and I'm thinking about writing a little card with each completed gift- Sarah B inspired me because I want to give her the scarf and little cap and tell her how much hope and respect I have for her. Then...eh, it sounds like a lot of work. Dude, I'm just trying to quit smoking.
It was so windy and gray today. It rained friggin' buckets. I hope it's nicer tomorrow.

New Camera

Bug got me a new camera, second hand HP that works great. I am always surprised when he does something so unexpected and thoughtful. He's like that though. Not much for organized holidays- he sucks at Christmas and birthdays but Valentine's Day he always aced for 19 years because of Ember. And he does little things that are just nice. He makes my coffee every day, he feeds me, makes me take my vitamins and my gout pill. He doesn't have to have a reason to be nice. I'm lucky for that.

Appointment

I hate getting up early. I have never been a morning person but nowadays, working so late and staying up to knit and watch TV until the wee hours...well, morning shouldn't start until about ten o'clock.
But it's not even nine. We have to be at Dr. M's office at 11. I am in morning mode- bathrobe, flipflops and hair upside down. I can barely walk and cannot straighten up completely yet. Couple cups of coffee will help that.
Maybe.
I don't can't imagine what is going to happen next.

Big, Big Plans

I have decided to make something- hat, scarf, friggin' pot holder, for everyone I like. I've gone around and asked what colors people like. I feel one of those obsessions coming on, like when I had to collect all of Tanith Lee's books...this was in the 90's and I was a used bookstore combing fool. Or when I decided to work out and get in shape and got tendinitis...or when I decided I hated being fat and I lost about 100 pounds.. As long as it keeps me from smoking and eating I am delighted to knit. No matter how bad at it I am.

Beautiful Sunny Day

I'm sitting here admiring the blue sky and breeze that makes me want to sort of go outside. I'm going to hustle around and get ready because I have to go pick up Ember and be ready for my Monday at work.
I have gotten a lot of knitting done. Made Bug a little cap. Working on the scarf to go with Emma's new boy's cap. I have a black scarf for myself on a pair of needles and a pretty orchid scarf for my friend Tabby. I plan to systematically make something for everyone I know.
My visit to mom and dad's was nice. No horrid comments about my knitting or my addition of a few pounds since I quit smoking. I did put on some weight but I've already lost close to half of it. It's very hard. I have to go back to the rules I established to initially lose about 95 pounds in the first place.....no eating heavily after work, not a lot of high calorie, fatty foods. Stay away from fast food and NO FRENCH FRIES! They are just soaked in fat. I gained about...oh, maybe twenty pounds when I quit smoking. I have about 11 to lose to get back to last good weight, which was tantalizingly close to my IBW. It never ends. You can't ever just stop being aware of what you eat or how it's going to affect your body. And really there's nothing better than being able to control yourself and fit into a pair of Size 12 Jrs...especially when you were once a Size 22 Big Fat Ass.

Monday Morning

I am getting ready to start getting ready. That means I'm blinking a lot and drinking coffee. Gonna be a bit before I'm completely coherent.
It hasn't been great lately but I've been plugging along. Finished Vanna's scarf, working on a matching hat, did a few other hats of tiny size and decided I like a heavier, worsted weight thread much more than the skinny soft stuff I bought for maybe a baby blanket or something where the user would need soft material.
Getting over losing Ember hasn't been easy. She shared my room and board for 19 years. It seems like loving and losing pets should have some kind of life lesson in it but I'm too sad right now to dissect it.
Otis and Thelma have tried to step up and fill Ember's..paws..and I appreciate that. I do love them. Bug and I always say we are rich in cats. We aren't quite as rich now. Still plenty of dogs though!

Worst Day Ever

I can say that with truth. Ember, my 20 year old Persian is in bad shape. I keep hoping and praying for some kind of miracle but I don't see one coming. I always swear I wont ever let one of my animals suffer but I seem to do it to every one of them. Selfish to hang on this way, but so hard to let go. My poor baby! It's made me sick. I have to take her in, it's not right to let her go on this way. She hasn't eaten since day before yesterday and she's not drinking now..I can't let this happen but I remember Bug's grandma saying never put any animal down as there is a miracle in store....ugh. No miracle. I can't do this to a pet who has been my constant companion since I was 25 years old. It's wrong and I've got to be strong enough for both of us......................
I am sorry to report the highly anticipated miracle wasn't to be. Had to let her go. It hurts so much. I couldn't let her go on the way she was. Nothing seems good right now.

Sunday Morning

It's been a long week for me. I have several things planned. I somehow cannot imagine any of it turning out well! I just have to get through an 8 hour shift! Surely I can do that.

At loose ends

The need of a new project is lurking in the wings. I am needing to sew a couple things, and the knitting, while absorbing....well I'm just bad. No two ways about it. As much time as I've spent doing this you'd think I would be better. Ah, practice.

Doctors

We're blessed in our family doctor. He's been seeing me since I was 25 or so. I depend on him so much. I hope he can help Bug feel better. I don't know. Things seem so bleak right now. I am trying to keep focused on something besides worry and misery. Knitting helps. I am also praying a lot.
Upside, met a really interesting woman at the doctor's who crochets. We talked a lot about color and yarn. She was super nice and I'll be emailing her so we can exchange yarnwork info!

Yellow Scarf

I knitted a yellow scarf- I love yellow and this one turned out ok. Thelma liked it. I test wore it (it's for someone else but I had to try it out) and spilled a carmel latte all over the damn thing. Immediately rinsed it and it all came right out, then had to carry a damp scarf all night. Great. But the on the round project is doing fair, and I am determined to keep at it.

Fellow Sufferer

My best friend has quit smoking. I can fully sympathize with her! IT SUCKS! But it's totally worth it. In the long run not being chained to that evil is both liberating and empowering. Slave no more, free from the shackles of an industry of death and lies!

Knitting on the Round

This is something new for me and I'm not doing very well with it. Three times I had to unravel it because of twisting- something the instructions warned about- but now I have it straight, I think, and my cowl is on the way. I am inspired to try a cowl and a muff, both things that if you tell someone you work with what you are doing they either stare as if you've lapsed into Greek or snicker as though "muff" is something dirty.
Anyway, I keep going. I am enjoying new things, which is pretty good for someone my age. I think my hope is that, in the dead of a cold winter when I walk around swathed in my own knitwear, someone will say, oh where did you get that great scarf? I made it!
Of course I'm the type of person who will walk up and ask about something a total stranger is wearing. Cute shoes! Is that scarf knit or crochet? I can't help it. And sometimes people aren't completely in love with a stranger coming up to ask questions. They seem to understand I'm not quite normal.

New Project

I went to get a zipper for a friend of mine so I can fix her pants and the fabric store had a 30% off sale. I found yarn in a color I love to wear so I decided I would make myself a cowl and muff next. We'll see. Part of me feels bad about wasting good yarn on my minimal skills but the rest just needs to keep going, no matter what. Ugh! I guess it's better than paying $6 for a pack of smokes.

Overboard

Like all things, I have indeed gone a bit overboard with my knitting. I have three projects started, the yellow scarf, a black one for myself, a blue and white cap which is from a pattern, an actual pattern, and a beige...something on the circular needles. I always liked the idea of 'knitting on the round' and so far I suck at it as much as anything else, the difference being you don't have to purl, just knit and the rotation creates the purl. Wish I'd known that a few years ago when I gave up knitting because it was just too hard. Maybe I lost interest. I wasn't making any progress so I gave up. Of course as I sit here sipping my morning coffee I think, I'm not really very good at anything. So I sit here doubting myself and wondering what I'll screw up next....
Maybe I should try to learn something the right way, not just getting a book and fumbling around. ext time I try anything new I'll go to class, so I wont have to sit around wishing I had taken Home Ec instead of crafts.

She's Not Very Good

Well! I went to visit my parents my days off. Nice trip. Had to leave Bug at home because of his back. He didn't feel like a 4 hour car ride one way. I took my knitting, of course. My mother looked at the yellow scarf and told me I needed lessons. I am far too stupid to profit from lessons. And I am a crappy knitter. I realize this! I only do it to keep from smoking. Later on I over heard my mom on the phone telling my aunt I was knitting a scarf and adding, "She's not very good."
I'm nearly 45 years old. It matters what my mom thinks? Not really. And I am surrounded by people who can crochet and knit beautifully. My sister is a real artist when it comes to any kind of hand-craft.
My first reaction was to take all my yarn and throw it out, or box it up and forget it. But...I'm not doing this for any reason but to get over cigarettes. So it doesn't matter that I suck. I just have to keep doing it. So I picked up my needles and went on.

Home Sick

I am dreadfully ill. I have a terrible intestinal plague and can't do more than lay around on the couch. I took pictures of the first ball of yarn I got in the "How to Knit" kit...the yarn is double stranded, complicated, varigated and incredibly hard to work with. No way should someone who doesn't know how to knit should try it. Especially with standard size needles. No wonder my initial attempts at knitting were so frickin' lame. I might try something with it using large needles later, when I feel like a human.

More weather....

The sound of distant thunder is vaguely ominous. There's snow predicted this weekend as well, though the warning has dwindled from 3-12 inches to an inch of slush. Good! I hate slush but not as much as snow in almost April.
I am working on a yellow scarf but after that I think I shall do something grand and dramatic, like follow a pattern a friend gave me for a cap. I am not much of a pattern follower. I didn't learn how to use a pattern in sewing until I was in my 40's. So this will be a learning experience. I have checked out how to follow a knitting pattern and I am feeling a little braver about it.
Why I love knitting reason #1- it's portable. I can take my knittin' sack with me wherever I go. I can knit in waiting rooms and long car trips. My knitting sack is a pretty pink floral quilted bag I got for 8 bucks at the drug store, it has numerous inner pockets to organize things and keep my car keys from catching on my thread. It's a great tool for my budding hobby.

Stormy Day

I wish I didn't have to work today, simply because it's thundering and dark and getting ready to rain..perfect knitting weather. I am working on a scarf- I have made several long, rectangular objects, scarves, little knit cases for my iPod, a 'baby' blanket in the stockinette stitch that immediately became a dog blanket because it sucked so very much. But I'm making a little progress. I hope someday to be able to make something really amazing!

Experimenting

I learned knitting with a booklet that came with a ball of yarn and two standard size needles, which is probably why I never learned to purl until years later. Unfortunately I know no one else who knits, so when the instructions in another book read "go watch a friend who knits" there wasn't much I could do. This time around I had the internet and found all kinds of priceless resources. I am venturing into unexplored territory now, figuring out what I'm capable of. Not much, seems like at this point. My goal is to be able to execute patterns in multiple colors, like Fair Isle (sp?) knitting. So far I have been able to make a stripe pattern. Yay.